Goals

PART I:

Lately, it seems, there has been a lot of momentum in my life, specifically with my acting pursuits. It feels like things are happening. I’m moving forward. A c t i n g . And it feels good.

I wanted to tweet some inspirational quote the other day about momentum. I was googling it, and there’s really nothing out there. Except I did find this one:

“The most important thing you can do to achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, you immediately begin to create momentum. The most important rules that I ever adopted to help me in achieving my goals were those I learned from a very successful man who taught me to first write down the goal, and then to never leave the site of setting a goal without first taking some form of positive action toward its attainment.” (Tony Robbins)

Good quote, but more about setting and acting on goals than just, “Man, momentum feels good, huh?” I realized I hadn’t done anything in the name of setting goals since I moved here three months ago, and then just started feeling bad about myself. So in the end, I tweeted the word Momentum and went to bed. Thanks for deflating me, Tony Frickin’ Robbins.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA foolish.

First, Write Down The Goal

When I was a kid, I was in karate.

And I kicked ass.

A-like so:

Randy Wade Kelley: Ass-kickin’ Gold Belt

I remember, for every Belt Test, we were required to write down a list of goals. In the beginning (at least for White Belt), I took it seriously. I wrote things like, “Learn how to defend myself,” “Get good grades in school,” and “Make Mom proud.” But eventually, my dumb-kid-cockiness got in the way. I realized the instructors didn’t care so much about the goals so long as we were making them, which dumb-kid-translated to “Who cares!” And I quit caring.

Since then, I would say goal-like things to myself from time to time. “I wanna go to UT.” “I’d like to make decent grades.” “I think it’d be cool to have money.” But I didn’t really commit or take them seriously. I didn’t write them out. I didn’t post them on the walls of my study-space (sorry Mrs. Daeschner). I didn’t make any Vision Boards. I still worked at attaining them though. When I decided to change my major to Radio-TV-Film my senior year at UT, I worked my ass off to raise my GPA and make a submission film, and eventually got in. When I decided I wanted to be an actor, I found out what needed to be done and slowly but surely got on it. I’ve found that when I’ve wholeheartedly decided to do something, and worked hard at it, things usually work out (or close to it). But still, I wasn’t really writing anything down. And I think that’s important.

“Because of UT, I turned into me!” (Lame 2006 Comm School graduate slogan)

Goals For 2010

Last year, after Rachel moved to California (following her dreams), I came out for a visit. I found out about an acting class and decided to pop in. One of the first things my new coach (we’ll call him “The Pitbull” for now) said to me was to make a list of goals I’d like to see happen over the next year. I hadn’t done it in forever but I decided to go ahead and try. This was February/March, 2010. First, I’ll just post my unedited list of goals (including the little explanations I apparently felt were necessary (silly 2010 me!)). Then I’ll list out how I did with them….

1. OVERCOME MY FEARS …which are paralyzing
2. GAIN MORE SELF-CONFIDENCE accept it and honestly believe people when they tell me that I AM good
3. SWALLOW MY PRIDE (my new motto) stop worrying about what other people think
4. GET PAID [even a dime] TO ACT and maybe make some sort of living or supplement?
5. BE BETTER AT NETWORKING and keep in better contact
6. BE MORE TIMELY figure out the reasons why and find some way to make it work
7. GET SAG ELLIGIBLE preferably in Texas, where it’s cheap
8. WORK ON MY MARKETING demo reel, website, head shots, cards?
9. MOVE TO LOS ANGELES and make it work
10. MAKE MY OWN WORK if I’m not getting a job, I should still be able to give myself one
11. GET BETTER AT THE TECHNIQUE I KNOW (personalization) practice, practice, practice, and read Chubbuck’s book
12. LEARN A NEW TECHNIQUE meisner? who knows?
13. LEARN MORE ABOUT THE INDUSTRY IN L.A. find out how it works, what I can/need to do; ask people I know, they want to help
14. FIND A POSITIVE WAY TO DEAL WITH NERVOUSNESS not get rid of it, but… power through? manipulate it? ride the nervousness wave?
15. GET IN BETTER SHAPE run, work out, eat better, etc. — it’s part of fine-tuning my “instrument”

In spite of the shame I’m now feeling at having referred to my body as my “instrument,” I will address the progress I’ve made with these goals over the last year (or at least make fun of my 2010 ridiculousness)….

1. I’m not sure what all I meant by this or what specific fears I might have had in mind. But I definitely did overcome some paralysis. I started writing again, which I hadn’t really done in years. I finally went to Spain, which I’d wanted to do since 2002 (I promise I’ll write about that life-changing experience at some point). I did stand-up comedy. And probably the biggest break in paralysis for me ever: I moved to California.
   

   Where I realized, “I can do ANYTHING,” and then decided to move to California.

2. My self-confidence is leaps and bounds ahead of where it was this time last year. I still have bouts of insecurity every now and then (who doesn’t, right?), but I listen to people more now when they say I’m a good actor. I’ve started to trust myself and my hard work more when I approach scenes or auditions, and I’ve done some pretty amazing scene-work in class. Thanks largely to my brilliant acting coach in Austin named Step Rowe, I tapped into and unlocked parts of myself I hadn’t accessed before, helping me grow and become worlds better as an actor (and a person). I booked a few things here and there as well, which always helps build you up in the confidence department.
3. Over the last year or so, I’ve definitely become more and more okay with making a complete ass of myself. As a result, I’ve found I can actually push myself further than I had previously been willing to go. Improv helped with that a lot too. I don’t like feeling stupid, but I don’t think I am stupid, so it’s okay. And if some people do think I’m stupid, well they can go to Hell. Who cares, right? I definitely care a lot less than I used to. I think a lot of that came in with trusting myself more. I know what’s good for me, I know what’s bad for me. I know when I do well and when I don’t. I know when I’m uproariously funny, and when I’m only slightly hilarious. And that’s what really matters: how I do according to me.
4. I GOT PAID! I booked two roles that actually gave me money to act. Lifelines (awesome play) and RED (awesome movie). And they paid me. Money. To act.
   

   Randy Wade Kelley: Licensed Paramedic

5. I decided to embrace the silliness that is networking and just have fun. Specifically at those networking events. It’s goofy getting together over expensive cocktails (being that all of us are broke actors), wishing we were more active, hoping we’ll meet (and friggin’ WOW) the one person that can give us the opportunity to shine. All that is just plain goofy. And it doesn’t make any sense to me. And if you pepper in a few charlatans and some slimy schmoozing, it turns into something unbearably gross. However, if you go to meet a few people with similar interests, or talk to friends, and drink and laugh and maybe talk a bit of shop, then it turns into something surprisingly fun. I’ve gotten so much better at the marketing-myself game because I decided to not put up with the annoying BS and fakeness that usually goes along with it. Instead, I just rely on the fact that I’m genuine and I like people. I’m creative and I like talking about projects. I love telling and hearing stories. I love making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. And suddenly with that choice, all the pressure and crappiness fell right out of those events. They’re kinda fun to me now. And even outside of the events, I’m still honest and easy to get along with (I think). And I’ve made a good amount of friends, or at the very least “contacts.” And I’ve gotten better at dropping in a line, and checking in, and keeping in touch. Now I just need to get better at doing that with family and friends. But I’ve got an idea on how to get at least a little better at it. Feel free to offer advice (don’t be douchey).
6. I’m still always late. I really don’t know what the deal is. I have however actually been on time to work since I moved here because I have to take the subway and it’s really unpredictable. Otherwise, I dunno. I am not a punctual person. I have never been one. Just lie to me and tell me we’re meeting a half-hour before we’re actually supposed to. That way I’ll be early and you’ll be impressed.
7. I got SAGe! Thank you, RED! I still haven’t joined the union as of right now, because it’s insanely expensive and there’s not really a pressing reason for me to do so just yet. But hopefully there will be. And hopefully soon.
8. I have been tearing up my marketing. First, I made business cards. They are sleek and awesome and I will give you one if you ask and I have plenty or can afford to get more. I’ve also been working on my website with a buddy of mine and hopefully will actually get to launch it (can I say “launch it?” Makes me feel like a dork) sometime soon. I’ll post about it on here. I haven’t gotten new head shots just yet (despite my agent’s vigorous urging) because I’m broke. But I’m saving a bit in hopes of getting new ones at some point. And finally, I finished my demo reel. Well, actually, Rachel did, mostly. And it’s amazing. Check it out.
9. I FREAKING MOVED TO LOS ANGELES. It was one of the biggest things I’ve ever done in my life. It’s scary as hell and I still freak out about it sometimes. And I’m trying to make it work. I’ll post a big, long blog about this at some point. Hopefully. Probably. Yeah, I’ll do it.
10. As mentioned before, I started writing again. I did some research, some outlining, and some actual scripting on a few new feature screenplays. It felt really good to be at it again. I haven’t done much in a while again, but I plan on getting back into it once I get into more of a groove out here.
11. I have stuck with training at least once a week (almost every week) for the last year. I have also committed to challenging myself and pushing myself as much as possible. I ask tons of questions from my coaches, guest directors, other actors, and the Internets. I want to keep learning. I have started Chubbuck’s book like 4 times since I wrote down that goal, but I just can’t get into it. It’s still in my backpack, but I’m sorry to say it’s like Plan G now. After Harry Potter, The Drifters, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (again), House of Leaves, and the latest issues of Entertainment Weekly. Sorry, Ivana.
12. I didn’t do this one, unfortunately. I did meet and spend a few hours talking with an awesome woman named Laurel Vouvray, who teaches what sounds like a great class on Meisner. But I didn’t actually take the class. Hopefully I’ll take a workshop if/when she comes out thissaway. I’ve also considered getting into a comedy or improv class out here. But that all has to wait for me to get some moneys.
13. This one’s kinda related to number 11. I’ve been finding out loads of info on how everything works out here, and it’s definitely a lot different than it was in Texas. But so far, the people here have been really genuine, cool, and helpful. Pitbull has been a coach, a cheerleader, an adviser, an all-around acting guru, a Hollywood guide, everything. There’s a lot more online postings and bookings here than in Texas, and there’s soooooo many more people to get to know. It’s a little daunting. But I have help, support, and confidence.
14. When I was driving out to New Orleans for my RED callback, I started getting really nervous. My friend, Aaron, gave my some good advice. He said that they already know I’m a good actor and that I look the part (that’s why they’ve called me back) so there’s no need to worry about that. Now it’s just a matter of showing up and seeing if I fit exactly what they’re looking for. He said that we are salesman. My job is going to the places and pitching the product, and I’m the product. If I make the sale, great! If not, I still did my job. Since then, remembering that has helped me relieve a lot of stress and nerves. When I still do get nervous (most always), I think of it like a wave. A few New Year’s Eves ago, I went on a big fun family cruise. It was awesome until the last night, when we hit a huuuuge storm. There were 15 foot waves. They had to close the stairwells because people kept falling and breaking bones. It was nuts. Almost everyone in my family got sea-sick, but not me. I got a little nauseous when it first started because it felt like my whole world was just swaying and tilt-a-whirl and crazy, and I was stuck inside the ride. But then I went outside and watched the waves crash against the outside of the ship, watched the ship push on ON TOP of the water. And that did it. I was fine. It wasn’t that we were trapped in this dizzy, swirling, insane box; we were above the ocean, moving forward. So I look at nervousness the same way now. It’s a wave, and I just get on top of it. I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist (people are breaking their arms on the stairs for cryin’ out loud!!), but I can embrace it and just ride it through. Everybody gets nervous. Not everybody shows up.
15. My “instrument.” Ugh. My body is a wonderland.I have been working out. I found a cool spot in Silver Lake to run around – though it’s nowhere near as nice as Town Lake. I also run around Los Feliz Village sometimes, just because I love the area. I don’t really lift or anything, though I should. I’ve been eating a lot better and a lot less lately. I can’t afford to go out to eat hardly at all (drastically different than what life was like in Austin), so Rachel and I cook quite a lot. And we’ll sometimes go to farmers’ markets for fresh organic stuff (I’m starting to sound like a California hippie, aren’t I?). I also decided to stop eating until I’m full, and instead eat what I know is a good amount. That’s helped a lot. Learned that from this guy, who I’ve actually been watching a few of his videos –good advice and pretty interesting stuff. Plus I drink smoothies like everyday, because they’re free and they’re good for you. And they’re free. But I am losing weight and getting in better shape. I definitely like the way I look a lot better than I have in a while. If only I could do something to help my face. Thiscould work.
    

    Bruce Lee’s REAL Goals (1969).

PART II:

So I wrote all of that, right up until PART II back at the beginning of April (2011). Last time I touched it was April 10th. And it’s been on my To Do List pretty much every day since. “Finish Goals blog.” Or “Write goals.” How is it that it got to be that hard?? Rachel got sick of me putting it off and finally was like, “We’re not watching any more Friday Night Lights until you write down your damn goals!” So I did. And even that was a week ago. But now, I guess, I’ll finally post them.

1. QUIT BITING MY NAILS. They’re disgusting, and I keep thinking I blew a Whataburger commercial I was so close to booking last year because it required a close-up of my nasty, shredded fingertips holding a burger. I might post a picture of them later. They’re gross.

2. GET IN BETTER SHAPE. I like the shape I’m in now. I’ve been running pretty consistently, working out from time to time, eating a hell of a lot better (see #15 above). But I still would like to lose some of the fluff. Don’t get me wrong, I’m healthy and I’m in decent shape. It’s just that Hollywood has its own weird standard. I had a shirtless audition not that long ago that I freaked out about. I don’t want to have to freak out about a shirtless audition. And I think it’d be cool to have a six pack. Oh, and I will have a six-pack. It’s just gonna take some time and some work. I’ve already started on a new routine.

3. DO SOME SERIOUS MARKETING. I will finish and publish my professional website. And it will be profesh. I will get new amazing-looking head shots (just as soon as I can afford some). I will make and send out postcards. I have some ideas, I just need to sit down and actually do them. I will also find out who the hell to send these postcards to. And I will work on other modes of marketing, like Twitter and whatever else. If you know anything else I oughtta be doing, let me know!

4. GET A MANAGER AND AGENT. I’ve been told that managers get you the work in L.A. So I’ve I need/want one. I’ve talked to new friends about their managers and whatnot, but I still need to do a lot of homework. And then make those damn postcards and get them out there. I would also like a commercial agent. So I plan on getting one.

5. BE A BETTER FRIEND/CONTACT. I SUCK at correspondence. I don’t know what it is. All my friends know this. All my used-to-be-friends especially know this. I am no good at keeping in contact with people. I don’t know why. Please don’t take it personally. My family can tell you you’re not alone. Does that make me a shitty person? Possibly. Am I working on it? Yes. Does that simple fact redeem me and make me less shitty? You be the judge. I think so. I have a new plan. For one, I plan on utilizing my phone. If someone calls and I’m not really all that busy, I’ll answer it. Even if I’m not “prepared.” I also will do my damnedest to call people back. Same goes for texts, emails, Facebook messages, etc. I will try to not just let them sit and die in the “I’ll respond later” bin. And I also had a new idea. I want to hand-write a letter every month. And possibly send along a mix CD with it. I’ve been intending to do that for a very long time and I want to finally just start doing it. So that’s the plan. I need to be a better friend. I also really need to start utilizing contacts. I know people that live out here that I’m sure would be fun to meet up and reconnect with, but I’m too scared to just pick up the phone or write that email. Dumb. I need to do that. And I will.

6. TRAVEL. I’m too young to not be traveling more often. Spain, Ireland, New Zealand, Italy, England, New York, Florida, China. I need to get up and go a bit more.

PART III:

Whoa. That was about 9 months ago I wrote all that out and still never posted a bit. Ugghhh. And really, I never even wrote down any serious goals. Hmm, glad I practice what I preach. And you know, follow through. Randy Wade Kelley, you are a waste.

Man. How embarrassing.

But dammit, NO MORE!! This is it. Without further ado, without even going back over and spell-chekcing this entire post (because really, who has time to read all this crap?), I’m going to publish it. And then, you know, maybe tomorrow or this weekend or something, I’ll write out some goals. “First, write down the goal,” right? Damn you, Tony Robbins. Either way, this is gonna be out there, on the Interwebs. Now. For good. And I’ll read it over sometime in the next week or so and probably make it Private.

So until then, enjoy this ridiculous picture of me.

BAM!!! AXE-KICK!!!

No mercy.